Happy, happy Thursday! I know this makes two Bachelor posts in one week, but I’m all caught up now, and we should be down to just one-a-week by the time the next episode rolls around.
“Here’s to finding love!” (And becoming social media influencers once this is all over!) Thus opens the second chapter in Arie’s journey to find love…as the Bachelor. Because he already tried to whole “journey to find love with the bachelorette) and that path didn’t work out so well.
Becca K. gets the first one-on-one date, and Chelsea’s face reads exactly as you would imagine the expression “WOMP WOMP.” Arie takes her off on a motorcycle. Back at the mansion, Krystal unleashes her Debbie Downer and talks about how she would have given Arie a stern talking to about the dangers of motorcycles. Like, you could lose a body part out there, Arie! (TBH, in Krystal’s defense, I was thinking the same thing as Becca got on the back of that motorcycle. I wanted to be like, “WAIT! Who is your next of kin?!?!”)
Becca and Arie go into a house that has a giant seafood feast spread out, and okay, now I’m really jealous, just like with the pizza girl last week. This one-on-one is the typical “throw in a random celebrity” date, and Rachel Zoe appears. Becca is then showered with expensive clothes, shoes, and jewelry. In typical Bachelor fashion, she gets to keep it all!
She hikes back to the mansion with all of her goodies in tow, including her brand new pair of Louboutins on her feet. I was honestly a little bit worried the other ladies might jump her and steal everything, but everyone was surprisingly laid back about it. Back at the mansion, another date card arrives, and Krystal gets a one-on-one. In her interview, she says she “doesn’t want to gloat in front of the other girls,” because she definitely understands the “gravity of the situation.” Meanwhile, during this voiceover…homegirl for sure gloats.
During their date, Becca opens up to Arie about her father’s death (brain cancer) and I almost start crying. Becca definitely seems like a genuine girl that America can really get behind! I’m certainly a fan.
For Krystal’s date, they head to Arie’s hometown of Scottsdale, AZ on a private jet. As you can imagine, Chelsea freaks out. (“Would he really take a girl home that quickly?!”) Krystal gets a tour of Arie’s house, meets his family, and says “oh my gosh!” roughly 1.2 million times. Now we learn all about Krystal: her parents divorced when she was young, her father was out of the picture, and her mom was emotionally unavailable. Krystal cared for her younger brother all her life, then finds out he’s living on the streets and was attacked, but won’t accept her help. Krystal is definitely super annoying, but my heart did break a little as I thought of her and her little brother, wanting nothing but the love of their parents.
They have the classic Bachelor date of a private concert by some person most of us have never heard of (Connor something or other), but out of all the randoms ABC has pulled for the private concert deal, this guy is actually pretty great.
The next day, Krystal is vague about her date, which makes all the other women very, very angry.
Group date time–it’s a demolition derby! Tia is practically chomping at the bit because it’s so country, and can’t disappoint the folks back in Arkansas.
Annalise starts sobbing because she had “bumper car trauma,” and in a brilliant bit of editing, we are shown a clip of some slow-mo bumper cars at an amusement park. Okay guys, don’t be mean–bumper cars are HARD, and I never understood the point! Okay, I guess you can get your aggression out at your sibling and frenemies, but bumper cars are actual work. Just let me ride a roller coaster where all I have to do is sit there.
We’ve seen a lot of women in Bachelor history pull the crying bit so they can get some alone time, but “bumper car trauma” is definitely a first.
The derby gets going and Annalise doesn’t seem scared at all as she proceeds to ram other cars all over the place. I kind of zone out during this because I’m starting to get tired, plus I’m thirsty, and I get distracted looking for my water. Anyway, Seinne wins the match. And then she has to drink milk, because apparently that’s a thing? At least it wasn’t goat’s milk, like on Prince Farming’s season. I wanted to gag just watching that group date.
Classic Chelsea steals him away first! She’s gotta let him know why she’s mysterious. Her big “mystery” is that she’s a mom–talk about an anticlimactic announcement! Arie was basically like “I date women with kids all the time!” So, he has a type.
Chelsea graciously explains that she had to be first so she could explain that she’s a mother. Marikh cut her off and was like “okay that’s great, but that’s no excuse for your behavior!” Slow clap.
Our first dramatic meltdown is kicked off by Bibiana. She storms off, threatening everyone not to effing touch her. She’s basically throwing a tantrum because she hasn’t talked to Arie yet. Okay, go talk to him! It’s a simple fix, Bibiana! It’s like when Aida has a meltdown when the lid on her sippy cup snaps shut. It’s okay! We just open the lid!
Arie starts to talk like he’s going to give the rose to Chelsea, then BAM! He gives it to Seinne, who seems really classy and went to Yale. Chelsea’s face shoots daggers at Sienne.
Now it’s time for the cocktail ceremony! AKA, the time when they pump everyone full of alcohol and just let the tension build. Arie says he’s feeling good about the cocktail party, but the women clearly feel otherwise. Brittane shows up and apparently she got whiplash at the Demolition Derby (hope the ABC Risk Management Office had their waivers covered for that nonsense!).
Bekah and Arie madeout after the Group Date, and Chris Hansen did not appear, so she’s definitely over the age of 18.
Krystal didn’t want to gloat before, but she’s definitely gloating now. She interrupts his time with Lauren B.–who didn’t even go on the group date–and when Bibiana hears of this, she starts to lose her cool. Again.
Kendall decides now is the time to declare her love of taxidermy to Arie. Bold move, Kendall. Bold move.
The girls try to get the low down on Krystal’s convo with Arie, but Krystal just smirks and says “I’m going to keep that between Arie and I.” Which personally offended me, because I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to end a sentence with ‘I.’ Everyone in the room rolls their eyes and gives Krystal the death stare at the same time.
Bibiana finally gets time with Arie, only to be interrupted by Krystal. Oh no! We did not see that coming! (Oh wait, we did–we only saw it as the dramatic preview at the beginning of every commerical break.)
Bibiana is about to lost IT. There’s a lot of back and forth that goes like this:
B: “why are you cutting people off when you have a rose and you had a date?”
K: “Well, we have a connection, and I asked you, so…”
Bibiana basically tells her something to the effect of “You dug a big a*hole for yourself,” which is not an expression I’m familiar with, and also tells her that “you need to check yourself before you check on other people,” and I gotta say, those are definitely words of wisdom from someone who has previously shown us the maturity of a 13 year old.
Rose ceremony: Roses are handed to: Maquel, Jacquelyn, Bekah, Jenna, Chelsea, Lauren S., Tia, Bumper Car Trauma, Lauren B., Kendall, Queen of the Taxidermied; Brittane, Ashley, Marikh, Caroline, Bibiana.
Who goes home: Honestly, I don’t even remember their names, so I guess that says something. One woman acted super rude about it and was like, “this is the first time I’ve ever been broken up with!” (She was blonde and pretty, so I guess she wasn’t used to people saying “no.”)
So what did you all think?!? I’m excited for next week–I don’t see Bibiana as a girl to be messed with, so I think something is going to go down between her and Krystal. Also, I was a little disappointed that I didn’t see more drama from Chelsea this episode. Come on girlfriend, step it up!
Let me know your thoughts. All love!