During our pregnancy, as I researched and read blog post after blog post, one phrase kept coming up: birth plan. I was confused, and I certainly wasn’t having a Buddy the Elf, “what’s a birth plan? I want one!” reaction. As a classic overachiever, I stressed out over it, thinking, “is this homework? How detailed does my birth plan need to be? When do I need to turn it in? Is there a rubric?” Finally, I asked my doctor, and she said it wasn’t necessary. Cross that off the to do list!
The order of the music is unimportant; however, Queen’s “Don’t Stop Me Now” should be played as soon as the baby begins to make an appearance. This is non-negotiable.
5. We formally request that the Ministry of Magic’s top Auror be present during the birth–you know, to fend off any unwanted curses.
6. The mother and father will clearly need bonding time immediately following the birth. Please arrange for all three, plus the dog, to be taken by private jet to a tropical, all inclusive resort of their choosing. We expect these expenses to be covered by the $300 copay.
7. The mother has a delicate and fragile digestive system. Therefore, her hospital meals must come from one of the following local vendors: Jimmy John’s, Chipotle, Taco Bell, Joe’s Pizza, or Kumo Sushi.
That’s all–just seven, very simple requests. I suppose I could be flexible–I don’t need to play candy crush the whole time, and I understand Mr. Freeman has a very busy schedule. However, it really shouldn’t be too difficult to fulfill everything else, don’t you think?
What would you include for your birth plan?